Ladies, Please Stop Trying To Change Him

Ladies, Please Stop Trying To Change Him

Published on November 1, 2012 by Senica Evans in Dating, Relationship Tips

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

I hear this story all the time. You meet a guy and like everything about him except… that one thing. Now you have undertaken him as a project in an attempt to better him, to change him. After all it’s for his own good right…? Wrong. But, you know it’s right. You don’t care what I say, you are going to rescue/fix/correct/mend — whichever verb you choose to use — him out of his unwary ways. Right now, the fire alarm is blaring and the caution sign is flashing, you have entered no mans land.

Square Peg. Round Hole.

My mother used to tell my two sisters and I the same thing at every new relationship we embarked upon; “You can’t force a square peg in a round hole. It just doesn’t work.” She couldn’t have been more correct. I witnessed several relationships that had the potential to be awesome, go up in flames as the woman tirelessly worked to change her man. She had a perfect image in her mind but it didn’t align with who she was dating. Now, I say move on to the next one but in an effort to hold to this man she begins implementing her change plan.

Manipulation

This is one of the areas where we tend to play games to gain the response we desire. Now enters manipulation. You know the pesky tool we use. Some of you use tears, some use anger, some withhold the nookie. Regardless of how you do it, your relationship has already taken an immeasurable amount of steps backwards. If you love everything about your man but that one thing. Try discussing it with him first. If you are attempting to change the fabric of who he is then that means you can’t accept him for who he is. That’s wrong, especially since you want him to accept you just the way you are. Manipulation never really works on anyone. Whether he decides to go along with your game or not really depends on how much he cares for you, eventually it will wear thin.

Ultimatums

Ahhhh, ultimatums. Why do we use them? Similar to manipulation, it doesn’t work. You think by saying ‘do this or else’ you are inspiring him to action? Wrong again. They usually go as such;

Woman: “I need to know where this relationship is going?”

Man: “I’m ok with they way everything is going. Let’s take it slow and enjoy the process.”

Woman: “Well, that’s not good enough for me. I need a commitment. If you can’t commit to me right now then I’m done.”

Man: ———-

The relationship just flat-lined. *beeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Men despise ultimatums. If you must use it, be prepared for it not to go your way. An ultimatum is essentially you walking out the door. Most men will allow (if they really have feelings for you) one time with a swift warning following the ultimatum. My best advice don’t use them and communicate your concerns and/or issues instead. If his behavior repulses you to the point where you find yourself issuing an ultimatum…, he isn’t the one for you. Save your energy for someone more suited for you.

Side note: The conversation depicted above, is one I hear countless stories about. While she may have a valid point, there are better ways to address his lack of commitment The ultimatum she gave him was what he wanted in the end… no commitment.

Ladies, put your tools of change away and embrace his perfect imperfection. If you can’t count your blessings and move on.

What is your story in attempting to change a man? Sound off in the comments.