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One month after the incident, my secret was still safely tucked inside of me. But things slowly started to change. I started sleeping more and was growing increasingly tired. I just thought I was getting sick and quickly dismissed it. Mom, on the other hand, did not dismiss this sudden change in my behavior. She began questioning my every step. (there is truly nothing like a mother and her intuition) One day she asked me if I was pregnant and I quickly denied. Pregnant? No, not pregnant! She gave me a pregnancy test and instructed me how to use it. Yes, I was pregnant.
Again, my world came crashing down. I was 14 years old how could I be pregnant. I was a virgin! Well I was before it was stolen right out of my hands. My mother was livid so livid that her baby was not only having sex but also pregnant. She had done everything in her power to teach me about sex and kids and diseases. But in her world, I completely ignored everything she said. She didn’t speak to me for an entire week. When she finally did talk to me I didn’t have the courage to tell her that as a result of me lying to her I was taken advantage of. The pregnancy was aborted shortly thereafter. I buried this entire incident in the deep dark recesses of my mind to never be talked about again.
Now, I here I am married to him reflecting on something I never wanted to think about again. I was searching my mind for answers to questions;
Why is he doing this to me?
Why doesn’t he love me?
What did I do to deserve this treatment?
Why won’t he just leave?
Suddenly, an answer appeared in my mind…. he doesn’t love me because if he did he wouldn’t treat me the way he does. I know what I have to do. I picked myself up off the bed and got ready for work the next day. I’ll call the lawyer in the morning to see what options I had and if this information could be used in the divorce proceedings. I wanted out…