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So you’re dating this guy and things are moving along just fine. You enjoy his company and conversation. You believe he’s showing all the ‘signs’ of entering into a long-term committed relationship. Then….. He hits you out of the clear blue with, “I think we should just be friends”. You are devastated and blind-sided. Where did this come from and why?
I have discussed this very issue with several men from various backgrounds and ages and the answers didn’t vary much.
- Just Friends Allows Options. When he says let’s just be friends, he wants to keep his options open while still keeping you around. It’s sort of like he doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.
- You Serve A Purpose. As women, we are natural caretakers and nurturers. If you are doing or providing something useful in his life, he will keep you around as a friend so he can have all the benefits with none of the responsibility.
- There’s Something or Someone More Important. He enjoys your company. He thinks you’re an awesome woman. He respects you but he isn’t ready to give you all of him. There is something or someone on the horizon he is holding out for. It may be something career related or that ex he was hoping to reconcile with. Regardless of what it is, he doesn’t want to commit in fear of ruining his chances with the something or someone.
- You Aren’t What He’s Looking For. You think things are going great but he has secretly been looking for an escape. He respects you and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. The ‘just friends’ bit is an easy way to let you down without totally being the bad guy. After all, he does think you are a cool person to talk too.
If you find yourself in this situation, these friendships rarely ever work. It’s hard to be friends with someone you have been intimate with and have feelings for. Save yourself the emotional turmoil and walk away to prevent further hurt because now he has the excuse, ‘we’re just friends’. If it’s meant to be; then it will be.
“The only difference between a love relationship and a friendship is intimacy.” ~Anthony Robbins
Until next time…